Sunday, 18 May 2014

So Many Thoughts, So Little Time

I keep looking back to this picture and it makes me both happy and sad. I remember the day I had to take this picture. We had to go to the gym and get up in the stage where they set up all the cameras. The photographer told me to put on the blue cloak and put a hat on me, then told me to hold the flowers and diploma a certain way, then he took some pictures. I can't say what was going through my head at that time though. I mean, it was back in 2002, I was only about 5 years old, graduating kindergarten. Funny how fast things change.

I've been waiting to graduate ever since my sister did 2 years ago. I guess it's just a phase I went through considering a lot of my friends were my sister's age and they were all graduating as well. I felt as if life just wasn't moving fast enough. Everyone was out of school or onto university/college while I was still stuck in high school.

Now I'm here. About a month and a half away from graduating and it's all a bit... scary. Definitely stressful. If I can say one thing, it's that I've been on a strange roller coaster with stress. One day I'm determined to the best I can do, and the next I'm ready to give up on everything. I even had a panick attack in the school halls after a really stressful day and had to talk with someone about things. As weird as it sounds, I'm pretty sure I'm right when I say that talking to people about my problems does not make me feel better. If anything it makes me feel worse, which is why this is such a strange roller coaster. Some days I'm too aware of how fast everything is going, and others I'm too tired to care.

I'm excited though. I don't know what I'll do after school, but I know I don't plan on going back to it, at least for a year or so. I hope that after school's all done and over with, life won't be as stressful. There's less to juggle because I won't have to deal with school, work, personal issues, homework, and tests all in one day.

Sure I'll miss it; I'll be scared and uncomfortable with the new life schedule, but I'll get used to it. That's what life's about; changing, adjusting.

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